Washateria Rules

I hope the title isn't misleading. It's supposed to be "Washateria Rules", as in laws, or a body of regulations. Not "Washateria Rules", as in something that's extremely cool or rocks you to your core. I would think that most people would have difficulty imagining how a washateria would "rule", even thought that person in the photo seems to be excited at the mere prospect of arriving at the washateria. But thanks for allowing me to clarify anyway.

Apparently there are two accepted spellings of "washateria". How do I know this? Well, I typed "washateria" into Google search, and it didn't say Did you mean _____? I love being corrected by an algorithm. Washateria still didn't look right to me, so then I typed "washeteria" into Google search, and still no Did you mean _____? So if Google is cool with either spelling, then I am too. I'm flexible like that.

Now, we here at the Taunt Vortex don't want to seem all uppity, like we're some sort of elitist Presidential nominee or something, but the wife and I usually don't use washaterias. We have a nice Sears washer and dryer in our laundry room. But since the warranty ran out about three months ago, the dryer was obligated to go out about 2.988 months ago. We've discovered that there are actually some advantages to using the washateria. We take take all of our clothes, load up 4 or 5 washers, and when they're done we load up 3 or 4 dryers, and we can get a weeks' worth of clothes done in less than a couple of hours. Or even 2 or 3 weeks' worth, if we're willing to wear the same underwear two or three times. So there's been some inertia about getting the dryer repaired.

We don't really have written rules posted in our laundry room at home, but they have written rules posted on the wall of the washateria:

Check machine before use.

If those people didn't want me putting my dirty clothes on top of their clean clothes, they should have taken them out of the washer.

Do not run or ride on laundry carts.

Why do they put wheels on them if they don't want us to ride them?

Do no sit on table or washing machines.

I don't have a problem with this one, but some of the ladies seem to like sitting on the washer. The spin cycle seems to be especially popular.

Do not overload machines.

I've found that it's ok to "overload" the washer, but you have to sit on it to keep the lid closed.

No animals or alcohol.

The wording is curious. It doesn't say "no pets". It says "no animals". Like if some stray raccoon wandered into the washateria, I'd probably start feeling and guilty and responsible for it. As or alcohol, I think that we can all agree that drunk drying is dangerous.

Shoes, shirts, and pants must be worn.

I promise, I'll get my pants back on just as soon as they're dry.

So those are the written rules. After visiting the washateria for a few weeks now, I've found that there are some unwritten rules too. For example, it's best if you sit down and read something, or just stare at the dryer as the clothes tumble 'round and 'round. Otherwise your eyes will wander, and before you know it you've been staring at some coed's lingerie for 5 minutes, earning you the label of "washateria perv".

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