When it comes to an individual's sexual preference, we here at the Taunt Vortex try not to be judgmental. Well, unless you prefer Madonna. Otherwise, it's "live and let live". However, if we feel like you're lying to us, or if you're just in denial, we reserve the right to publish our thoughts (and wild unfounded speculations) on the matter.
Which brings us to our current subject , actor and frequent mandatory anger-management class graduate, Russell Crowe. It's possible that he could be perfectly straight. He is married, with children. And he did date Meg Ryan, who was known as America's sweetheart until usurped by Clay Aiken. But we just get the feeling that there's a "Big Gay Russ" just trying to escape that hetero facade. Here's the evidence.
- the photo above
Sure, he had to wear that costume for the role. But he just looks like he's enjoying it a little too much. And did he use the bedazzler himself to adorn that oversized codpiece? You can cut the symbolism with a knife.
- the titles of his movie roles
Master and Commander, Tenderness, Cinderella Man, Gladiator? Ever been in a Turkish prison, Joey?
- he enjoys watching rugby, and is even part-owner of an Australian rugby team
Grown men. In shorts. And knee socks. Just type in "scrum" in Google image search, and you'll be more than just a little disturbed by the results.
- as part owner of an Australian rugby team, in 2007 he fired the team (female) cheerleaders, citing that they were detracting from the game.
Until this, at no time in the history of Western Civilization has a man fired a cheerleader. By the way, anything that detracts from a rugby match is probably a good thing.
- from 1986 to 1988, Crowe was in the touring production of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"
And his character? Dr. Frank N. Furter, naturally.
- a direct quote from Mr. Crowe: "But when I can't sleep at night, I design clothes, and this is something I had made up as a crew gift."
Uh, some guys watch ESPN, or Proof of Life, or take Lunesta when they can't sleep.
- well documented violent outbursts
With such a charmed life, there must be something that generates all of that hostility. If it's not "Australian Inferiority Syndrome", then suppressed homosexuality is a strong candidate.
We've made our case here at the Taunt Vortex, but it's up to you, the readers, to decide. Lastly, if you ever happen to run into Russell Crowe, don't feel that it's necessary to mention this blog.
If Russell Crowe reads Humor-blogs, it'll make him laugh himself straight!
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2 comments:
And who throws a phone at you?
I can imagine being mad enough to grab the nearest dangerous object and hurl it at somebody ... but wouldn't that be a wrench or at least a issue of Popular Mechanics?
And his name alone--Russell. I mean, someone who calls himself Russ would have thrown the Popular Mechanics instead of the phone.
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